1:
What are the most common complaints people make?
Brainstorm
in pairs/groups
Structural features
Read these two
complaint emails. What structural features do they have in common? Discuss in pairs/groups.
Complaint late delivery
Subject:
Bamboo blinds
Dear Mr Ong
I am writing in connection with an order I
made for 50 Eco Bamboo blinds
measuring 210 cm by 250 cm with the reference number TN3456.
When we discussed delivery
dates, you assured me that you could deliver by 21st of February.
However, the blinds are now two weeks overdue, and I have heard nothing from
you to confirm a definite delivery date.
I urgently need these blinds
as I have now included this product on my website and I am receiving a large
number of enquiries about it. Your slowness is causing a great deal of
inconvenience.
I would be grateful if you
could look into this matter and arrange for delivery within the next three
days.
I am afraid that if you are
unable to deliver within this period, I shall be forced to cancel my order and
purchase from another supplier.
Yours sincerely,
Complaint about poor goods and
service
Subject: My wedding
Dear Ms Mansor
I am writing regarding the catering service you provided at my wedding
on Saturday 25th of March.
I asked for 20, 3-course dishes to cater to my vegetarian friends.
I have only just learned that these were not available on the day
and they were given a lettuce and mayonnaise sandwich instead which arrived
long after the others had already finished their first two courses. I have been
told that most chose not to eat them.
I spent a good deal of time with you going through the details of
the types of gourmet dishes I wanted to be served and I paid you a lot of money
to provide these dishes. Not only is this upsetting to know that my wedding day
did not go according to plan after months of arranging important details, but I
have received no apology or feedback from you about this. In addition, a lot of
these guests were VIPs and very special friends and most of them had travelled
very far to share this day with us.
I would like you to provide me with a full refund for your
catering services, as it did not deliver the standard and quality that were
promised.
I look forward to your reply
The
general structure of a formal complaint letter
1. Set the scene
Usually a short paragraph describing what has happened before. Full details
such as dates, amounts, invoice numbers etc. are often found here.
|
·
I am
writing….
regarding my order which arrived this
morning.
to draw
attention to the negative attitude of…..
to complain
about the decision recently made by the head of department regarding our
contracts.
·
I am
writing to make a complaint about/ concerning/ regarding…..
·
Yesterday,
we received an email stating that/ I saw your advertisement stating that……
·
I
really must complain about
the (quality of goods/ standard of service) that we recently received from
your company
·
I am
writing regarding the recent price
increase of your products.
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2. Make the complaint
Clear,
concise information describing the
problem. Effective complaints will be constructive
and aim at improving the situation.
Accusation, blame and abuse are generally not appropriate. Tone is all-important here because you need to convey
negative feedback while trying to avoid making the reader lose face. Some
problems can be lengthy with a long sequence of events which may require a
couple of paragraphs or more. Try and make them clear.
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Reacting to change/decisions
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Incorrect information/misleading information
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Late delivery/ lost items
|
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Poor quality goods/service
|
|
Public
nuisances
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3. Emphasise inconvenience
This brief section stresses any inconvenience the
complaining party has had to suffer. It might also refer to costs incurred. It
could be part of the previous section, or it could be a separate section.
|
·
Your poor quality control/ inefficiency is causing me
a great deal of inconvenience.
·
I am not happy about the inconvenience this
situation is causing me.
·
This
change will have an negative effect on/ a negative impact on…..
·
Due to the stress of dealing with the problems created by
your company, our holiday was indeed not a holiday.
·
This is having/will have a negative impact/effect on
our work/life balance.
·
I cannot
accept this as it will adversely affect /have a negative impact on…..
·
This
situation will cause me/ my family/ my customers a great deal of
inconvenience.
|
4. Request action? Make
suggestions
This usually contains a concrete, constructive
statement of what the writer wants the reader to do. An effective request must
be polite, but assertive and should appeal to a sense of justice.
In order to minimize inconvenience, I suggest (that) you introduce/
I suggest introducing……….
It would be better to introduce………
I think you should……
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5. Make your position clear (optional)
In
this section you may want to mention what you will do if the request isn’t
granted. The most effective strategy is to stay calm and not threaten too much,
especially if you don’t intend to act.
|
Practice
Activity: Language and organisation of complaints
a)
I hope that you will deal with this
matter promptly as it is causing me considerable inconvenience
b)
I am writing in………………...
with the negative ………………... of
a member of your staff.
c) I
believe that I am ………………. to an immediate ………………...
d)
I am writing to ……………… about
the ……………. of a product I purchased online from your website.
e)
The equipment I ordered has still
not been …………… despite my phone call to you last week to say that it is
needed ………………..
f) I
am writing to draw your ………………….. to a ……………. in your customer
services section.
g)
I wish to complain in the strongest
possible ……………. about the ………………….. I received from a member of
your staff.
h)
Although you advertise yourself as
a top-quality brand, the product I ………………. was well below the ………………..
I expected.
i)
I would ……………….. it if the
faulty goods could be …………………. as soon as possible.
j)
I am writing to express my strong …………………….
with the new proposal by the department.
Write the letter of each
sentence according to its function here:
1. Set the scene:
_______________________________________________
2. Make the complaint:
__________________________________________
3. Emphasise inconvenience:
_____________________________________
4. Request action:
______________________________________________
5. Making position clear: _________________________________________
Practice
activity: Conjunctions and discourse markers
Match
the beginnings with the endings in the box
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there were only 7 in the box
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of the 8 that I ordered
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the fact
that I paid for 8.
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Therefore, I
am not prepared to pay your invoice.
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so I am not prepared to pay for this.
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but there were only 7 in the box.
|
|
However, there were only 7
in the box.
|
In addition, two of the covers were
damaged.
|
|
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a
|
You
only sent 7 books, instead ……………………………………………………………………….
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|
b
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You
only sent 7 books, despite ……………………………………………………………………….
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c
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Even
though I paid for 8 books, ……………………………………………………………………….
|
|
d
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I
paid for 8 books. ………………………………………………………………..………………….
|
|
e
|
I
paid for 8 books, ……………………………………………………………………………………
|
|
f
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Firstly,
the quantity of books was incorrect. ………………………………………………………….
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g
|
You
have still not resolved the problem with the books, ……………………………………………
|
|
h
|
You
have still not resolved the problem with the books. ……………………………………………
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Practice
Activity: Common grammatical errors
Proofread the complaint below. There are some common grammatical mistakes
highlighted in bold. Suggest corrections for as many errors as you can.
Dear manager
I would like to make a complain
about the poor customer service and inefficiency I was received from your company.
In March 30th,
I had spoken to one of your staffs in your customer service
department by phone and had asked to end my contract with Mobocom
with my last payment to be made at the end of May. 2 days later, I had received a contract termination
form to fill out which I promptly completed and sent back to you signed with
the above information.
On July 1st, I had
checked my bank statement and
noticed that I am still being charged for this mobile phone service. I called
again to discuss about the issue
with one of your staffs. After wait a long time, I got through to a staff who not understand my problem
and she hung up the phone. On July 2nd,
I went to your shop at Mahkota Parade where your staffs told me there was no record in
the system of my contract cancellation with you despite I had a copy of the termination form with me as proof. They
then asked me to fill in another form to cancel the contract at the end of July
to which I refused.
The result of your company’s inefficiency has caused me a great
deal of inconvenient and a lot of
time has been wasted on a process that should be simple.
I would like you to give this matter your urgent attention as I am
leaving Malaysia at the end of July and do not wish to continue dealing with
the same inefficient from other country. I would also like you to
refund me the money you have charged me for July since I am no longer using
your mobile phone service.
Please contact me as soon as possible so we can discuss about and resolve this matter.
I look forward to your reply
Activity: Focusing on tone
Background
Teachers receive an email from their head, Zara
Hussein, informing them that a decision has been made by the department that
all teachers are required to attend compulsory professional development courses
every week. She has decided that 4 hours a week, twice a week for the next ten
months after classes is a reasonable amount of time to do these courses and
will benefit the institution as a whole. The teachers are very upset about
this, and decide to write to her explaining this and requesting a meeting to
discuss it.
Responding to Zara’s email
Read the following emails to Zara and decide which one
you think would be best to use. Be
prepared to support your decision with reasons.
1. Dear Zara
This decision is really unacceptable. How are we supposed to do our jobs and take
care of our families if we have to attend 8 hours of professional development
classes per week? I would like to meet
to discuss this immediately. Is now OK?
2. Dear Ms Hussein
Thank you so much for agreeing to an 8-hour course per
week for us. It is really very good of
you to do this with so little consultation.
What we appreciate most, of course, is no longer being able to do our
jobs effectively and spending time with our children. Could we possibly meet at your earliest
convenience for me to thank you in person?
3. Zara
This is COMPLETELY
UNFAIR!!! It doesn’t benefit us!!!
It stops us doing our jobs properly and spending time with our family. A meeting is urgently sought. I am really
upset!
4. Dear Zara
I am concerned about the 4 hour, twice a week classes
you have agreed to and the impact that it might have on our effectiveness as
teachers and our work/life balance.
Could I come and see you to explore possible ways to seek a solution or
better outcome for us?
5. Dear Zara
I am shocked
at the suggestion of an 8 hour a week compulsory course. Are you mad??! Could I
come and see you to explain the problems that your lack of sensitivity to us is
going to cause?
What
is tone?
The
tone of your writing is the
general mood that it creates in the mind of your reader. It’s about with how you make your reader feel about you
and the organisation you represent.
Tone depends on:
· the level of formality
or informality you use.
· the attitude you
take towards your topic.
In general, you want your reader to feel as good as
possible about you and/or the company you represent, no matter what the
situation is. This is so you can get the result you seek but still maintain
relationships and not create a negative, defensive reaction in your reader.
The skill of building and maintaining
good relationships in writing depends on your ability to control certain features.
Using Indirect /
diplomatic language
Here are some examples of how you can use
indirect/diplomatic language to minimise or avoid making a negative impact when
you need to communicate a negative
message such as in the case of a complaint letter.
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It is…
|
è
|
It
seems/appears to be…
As far
as I’m aware, it is…
|
|
very
|
è
|
a
bit / a little / quite / rather
|
|
Is it
…?
|
è
|
Might
it be…?
Do you think it might be…?
|
|
It
will…
|
è
|
It
might be…
It may
be….
|
|
We should…
|
è
|
Perhaps we should…
Do you
think we should…
It
might be a good idea to….
|
|
Let’s….
|
è
|
Perhaps
we should think about…
|
|
unhappy
bad
expensive
It’s a
bad idea.
|
è
|
not
very happy
not
very good
not
very cheap
I’m not
sure it’s a good idea.
|
When
communicating a negative message in a formal context, impersonal structures and
often passive voice might achieve a better result.Look at this example:
|
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Accusing /
threatening tone
|
|
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Neutral
tone
|
|
L
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According to our records, you owe us
$25,550.
|
|
J
|
According to our records, the amount
of $25,550 is due from your company
|
|
L
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You didn’t fill in your
claim form properly.
|
|
J
|
Some information appears
to be missing on your claim form.
|
|
L
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You haven’t done next month’s staff roster yet.
|
|
J
|
I can’t find next month’s staff roster.
|
|
L
|
You have not paid for your parking bay
number B2112.
|
|
J
|
It
appears that we have not received payment for your parking bay number B2112.
|
You might have
noticed that the rewritten examples with a more appropriate tone are often
longer. This is because more words are often necessary in order to not sound
accusatory or threatening.
Summary:
Ÿ Try to make any complaint as constructive as
possible.
Ÿ Support your complaint with any evidence you
have.
Ÿ Avoid using an abusive, negative tone; use a
polite, optimistic tone.
Ÿ Avoid emotion and personal attacks
Ÿ Threaten no more than you are prepared to
carry out.
Practice
Activity: Redraft poorly written complaints.
Look
at the following sentences taken from poorly-written complaints. Rewrite each
one in a more acceptable and less emotional tone.
a. Quite clearly, your packaging
is useless. If you’d packed the furniture properly, they wouldn’t have arrived
smashed to pieces.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
b. I am sick to death of the wild
dogs in this neighbourhood. They bark all night, they eat out of the rubbish
bins and we’ve already had one attacking one of the kids!! When are you
actually going to do something about it?
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
c. Why should I have to pay for
your gross inefficiency?
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
d. The decision made was shocking.
The head of department should be shot!!!!!!
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
e.
When are you actually going to provide a bus that
turns up on time?!!
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Construct your formal complaint email here using
this template. Write between 120-150 words
Dear _____________
Set the scene
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Make the complaint
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Emphasize inconvenience
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Request action/ make a suggestion
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Make your position clear. Optional. Is it
needed in this case?
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LEVELS of FORMALITY in writing
FORMAL/PROFESSIONAL
STYLE
This is the style you will need to use in part 4 of
the Aptis test. Ideas are generally presented politely and carefully (tone!).
The language is generally impersonal, with much use of fixed expressions and
often passive verb forms. Careful attention should be made to your grammar.
Your sentences should be written with full words and no contractions.
NEUTRAL/
INFORMAL STYLE
Informal
style
is closest to speech, so there are everyday words, contractions and
conversational expressions and some words are left out entirely, particularly
in the case of sms messaging. ( [I’ll]
speak to you later, [Are you] sure [it was] from our website?, Next week [would
be] better than this week etc.) and some abbreviations may even be
appropriate (asap, pls etc). The reader may also be more tolerant of poor grammar in this informal style.
You have to know the rules first in order to break the rules here.
Neutral is still quite informal as
it still uses everyday expressions and contractions but sentences will still
mostly be written using correct grammar. This style might be appropriate in
frequent email exchanges between people you work with and in personal emails
depending on your relationship with the reader.
The style that you
select will depend on:
- who your reader is. (a
colleague? a client? text message reader? A manager?a friend?)
- how well you know your reader. (a
close friend? a complete stranger?)
- why you are writing. (wishing
your staff a nice holiday? Writing a complaint?)
In the example below, the
same message is written in two contrasting styles. Can you identify them?
The writer has adapted her style according to the
target reader.
- Who is the target reader?
- Identify specific differences.
!.
________________style
I
am afraid I will not be able to attend the meeting on Friday. I would be
grateful if you could send me a copy of the minutes. I will also write to
Sabina to inform her that I will not be there. Once again, I apologize for
this. I can assure you that I will be at the next meeting.
2. _________________
style
Sorry,
can’t make it Friday. cd you send me a
cpy of the minutes? Will also write to Sabina & tell her I won’t b there.
Sorry abt this & promise I’ll b at the nxt mtng.
N.B
In your informal email in the Aptis test, do not use this extremely informal
style seen above in number 2.
Here is a very informal email message
Sample 1:
Tq 4 yr email of 25 Jan
asking 4 help on how to order online. Need to know yr a/c no. b4 can deal with this. Pls cd u also give
details of which version of Windows ur using. Don’t forget our special online
offers are only available til Feb 7, so suggest you do this asap.
In
your groups/ pairs, rewrite this message to the following target readers:
- Boss
- Friend
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………………
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………
Full
sentences vs abbreviated sentences
Look again at
these excerpts from the informal email above:
Need to know yr a/c
no. b4 can deal with this.
…our
special online offers are only available til Feb 7, so suggest you do this asap.
·
The
same word is missing directly before each of the words highlighted in bold.
What is the missing word? Why is it
missing?
Missing out words is common in more informal
communication, both in speaking and in writing. This often happens when people
know each other very well and the situation is relaxed and friendly. The
meaning is clear from the context so the full grammatical form is not
necessary.
However, it’s
important that you realise that you are dropping words. This is because
when you need to write in a professional, FORMAL style, you need to be able to
use the full grammatical form.
ΠLook at the examples in the box. Match them
to the descriptions underneath.
|
a.
(That’s a) good idea!
|
g.
Just read (the) email about (the) packing cartons.
|
|
b.
(Did you) get my last email?
|
h. Your
suggestion (is) good, but needs clarification.
|
|
c.
(I) think your idea may work.
|
i.
(Are you) coming with us on Friday?
|
|
d.
(It) seems OK to me.
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j.
(I) hope you’re well.
|
|
e.
(I am) looking forward to seeing you.
|
k.
(It’s a) pity we missed you yesterday.
|
|
f.
(I’ll) speak to you later.
|
l. (I would be) grateful if you could….
|
Descriptions:
|
§
The
subject I or We can be left out, especially with mental verbs like hope, think etc.
|
..... / …..
|
|
§
In a
question, the subject you and the
auxiliary verb (be, have, will
etc.) can be left out.
|
….. / …..
|
|
§
The
subject I and the auxiliary verb
can be left out.
|
….. / …..
|
|
§
The
subject I and a form of be can be left out when be is the only verb.
|
……
|
|
§
The
words that or it can be left out, often with a form of be as well.
|
….. / …..
|
|
§
A
form of be can be left out on its
own.
|
…..
|
|
§
The
articles a/an or the can sometimes be left out.
|
…..
|
Practice
Activity
Redraft the following brief emails into a
FORMAL style by writing them out in full. At the same time, make any other
changes that you consider necessary.
a Appreciate your assistance in
providing update asap.
………………………………………………………………………………………
b Grateful
if you could reply by end tday.
………………………………………………………………………………………
c cfm updated sys accdly & amend
record.Tq
………………………………………………………………………………………
d Subject:
Hotel and transportation arrangements
Confirm room reserved in RENAISSANCE HOTEL as per my previous message.
Driver will meet you at airport arrival hall in front of Burger King, 18th
/ 1125 hrs.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
e Subject:
Thx for yr msg
Re yr msg left on my voicemail – yes, am free 4 lunch Weds nxt wk. Btw,
gd news abt yr promotion. Hv 2 wk now. CU, Jinko.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Construct your informal email
to a friend here using this template (50 words)
Construct your formal email here. 120-150 words.
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